I Have Learned How To Live

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Good Morning. I’ve been off the radar for a while. I have done what Jack Kornfield, the author, suggested. I have quieted myself. And, as Kornfield said would happen, when I quieted myself, the unfinished business of the heart surfaced. What was the current unfinished business of the heart? The unfinished business of a broken-heart; my broken heart, due to my son’s death.  And, so, this morning, I am ready to share with you what I have learned during this Moment of Quiet. I have Learned:

  • hearts break; and, God Mends them
  • as I; when I, feel the deepest levels of grief…I can survive… I will survive
  • there is life; My Life, after death
  • tears are; as Kornfield said, cleansing
  • Stillness is The Language God Speaks; everything else is a bad translation-(Eckert Tolle)

“Oh, My God…DON’T let this be real!!!!!” My silent cry; deep within my heart, the Moment I walked up to my son’s bedside, in his bedroom, touched his forehead, and it was cold. Then proceeded to turn-down the covers; and, as I had done so many times-(in so many different ways, as he grew from birth to adulthood) – allowed a Mother’s Fingers to discern the state of her child’s health/wellbeing through touch. This Time, instead of a sigh of relief, “he’s still breathing”-(during what seemed like decades of checking revealed when he was an infant)… his body was cold. My audible Response…“Oh, Babe, God Called and You Answered.” I did not know it then and, as a matter of fact, am still learning how that was the beginning of me receiving the profound nutrients of the Transforming Power of change. I have grown. Kornfield says grief; the tears, have a way of tenderizing us. We become “more compassionate, kinder.” For me, an understanding of God’s profound mercy saturates my being. How else could I endure the severe tummy-aches; headaches and burning eye-sockets; from crying. As grief traveled its course I experienced listlessness; shallow-breathing; as well as, the other various evidence of sorrow. And, daylight kept coming into the sky without my permission. I was, and am, surly being nurtured as a suckling nursing at its mother’s breast. God IS….my strength; my stronghold…My All-In-All.

 

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