Last night, my Bereavement Group, encouraged me to “write the next Chapters in my life.” They told me…“the previous chapters had been written”- the pages well-worn; wiped out, in all forms and fashion….used. Threadbare historical evidence of what was and forever never more. Allowing the words of Dr. Alan Wolfelt-(expert on transition, loss, and healing-The Companioning Model)- to waft through my mind…. “No, you did not go in search of this loss. But it has come to you.”… I wonder, if, in fact, I have the stamina, the wherewithal, to compose and mint together another chapter let alone the remaining chapters that as of now is/remains mystery. After the death of my son and then within close proximity my husband, a once image of myself, as a learned individual, with some acquired wisdom, changed. I KNOW NOTHING; ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is the rampant litany that permeates my thoughts. This, on today, is a stubborn mindset; fixed, by the ravages of grief; the mourning process. Dr. Wolfelt says… “Grief isn’t clean, tidy or convenient.” He likens the grief process as being one of “wading through the “muck” of those brutal feelings that come upon the grieving person. If for no other reason than the fact that he can articulate these words; factual words, Dr. Wolfelt is an expert on the grieving process. This morning, I peek my head out from under the protective covering of, as it were, the turtles shell. Hoping, that as I do, all the “vital organs,” that this protective covering has been keeping from, in my mind, harm’s way, will somehow sustain, what seems to be a huge risk on my part..